i was just an only child of the universe [ open ]

[flavourtown]

who: feixiao, moze, jiaoqiu
when: somewhere just before the end of 2.5
where: the alchemy comission

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[flavourtown]

[ It's been two days, and it's still a surprise to Jiaoqiu when he wakes up to find it still dark.

He's been in and out, mostly. Largely unconscious, only the barest awareness of the treatments he was being given. At least, that's the hazy picture he manages to grasp when he wakes yet again; a recollection that his rest has been uneasy, with many awakenings he barely remembers, recollected scraps of voices and sensation. Now, as he awakes once more, Jiaoqiu finds himself the clearest he's felt for a while. Awareness filters in slowly, and then memory, and then sensation.

There are bandages around his chest and shoulder where Hoolay had bitten him repeatedly. He knows, distantly, that he had already been told his ocular nerves had degraded as a result of the massive Tumbledust overdose, but the knowledge is like bouncing a stone off a frozen lake. It hasn't sunk in, despite the fact that his eyelids are open and all he can see is blurred, vague light and shadow. His insides feel tender, barely healed. He goes to glance at the medical chart above his bed, and realizes too late the action will be useless. He wants to check his phone, but has no idea how to navigate it like this.

Jiaoqiu is not a man overly given to emotion. If he ever once had been, such things have largely been buried under the frozen landscape of his war trauma. Part of him cares little about his new situation. Part of him is raging, distantly, almost too distantly to be felt. Perhaps it's more the suggestion of how one should feel, the expectation of injustice.

He must have been given some advanced healing magic, he thinks, as he swings his legs out of the bed to sit on the edge, hands exploring the medical scrubs he's wearing. He feels stable enough. There, he pauses, head down. More than anything, he wants to know how Feixiao and Moze are, needs to know if they're okay. So he levers himself up on legs that are only a little shaky, and after feeling his way to the door (having correctly guessed which direction it was in due to noise levels), he hears someone approaching. ]

No, thank you, I don't need to get back into bed. Can you please inform me how my companions are doing? [ Jiaoqiu assumes this is a doctor. This will be the first of many assumption mistakes he makes, until he learns to identify Feixiao and Moze's footsteps. ] Are they still under medical watch, or have they been released?

[saran]

( Two days, when the past had felt like a drawn-out eternity, even for long-lived species like them.

Two days of insistence, of being told she needs rest, of check-ups and observation on her curse, the Moon Rage, and everything else that followed such busy days. Hoolay is gone, at least, seven hundred years later. Jiaoqiu is safe, alive, back to them. The peaceful days won't last long, she knows, and would be foolish to believe otherwise, but it's rest that she's not so entirely against. It's temporary, for the most part. But it's equally agonizing, because it's rest torn apart and away from the two she cared for the most.

They all need rest. Moze had been ambushed, she had gone through, well. A soul-searching fight, for sure, and so much more. And Jiaoqiu...

It comes as no true surprise, that the moment they're allowed a couple hours away from their bed, to walk around and exercise, they all come across each other, one way or another. Feixiao and Moze, looking for Jiaoqiu. And Jiaoqiu, again - oblivious, to whom he's speaking with. It comes as no surprise, once more, and Feixiao furrows her brow, in spite of her weak smile.

It would take time, wouldn't it? Until all of them got used to this change. )

Shouldn't I be asking you that instead? You were more injured than we were. ( And there's a certain irony to this, as a medic who doesn't belong in the frontlines. Easiest way to harm someone is to go for what they care the most, isn't it?

Even if Jiaoqiu's injury had been self-inflicted. She gives Moze a glance at the corner of her eye, aware that he's watching nearby. They were both worried sick, after all. ) Now you know how your patients feel when you ask them to go back to bed. ( A little light joke, to lift up the mood. ) How are you feeling?

[crowcalls]

(within those two days of quiet, even moze had grown restless.

the staff were quite persistent in pushing him to stay in his room, not allowing him the opportunity to sneak out as often as he'd have liked. moze's body was different in some ways and he's dealt with his fair share of more brutal wounds, however, it takes a special sort of people to force him to not push his body to beyond his limitations more than he already does.

they had given him the usual spiel about his antics in needing to be careful whether it is an ambush or not in how things went. his body still wasn't completely healed by this point, a given really, he did behave as though he were super human just about in how he would ignore pain and injury when it suits him.

however, his worry was not on himself. it was on jiaoqiu, like feixiao whenever he had taken up what would be his usual position in following her in the shadows. quiet, cautious, and on guard in the event that some manner of medics were wandering about and saw them. this might be their free time to do as they please, but he doubts that they would be pleased to know they're using it for other purposes.

when they reach jiaoqiu's room; moze takes up a spot near a wall corner and the door. his arms crossed and his back leaning against it as he keeps his eyes at first on jiaoqiu who had mistaken them for another doctor. an amusing thought for moze, he isn't the healing sort, more the sort of man that knows too many ways to maim rather than mend.

one which he pushes aside to catch feixiao's gaze on him with a small frown, they would need to get used to this. he can't say that he minds the thought of helping by letting jiaoqiu hear him more often or catch his scent to alleviate some issues from his tendencies to stay hidden and mask everything that he could as a precaution.

for now, he's fine letting her do the talking until it becomes his turn.)

[flavourtown]

[ Jiaoqiu scoffs at the notion that he's the more injured party here. He's not entirely sure that's true -- he knows Moze had been attacked, and he doesn't know how bad it was. He doesn't know what happened after he passed out. He thinks he recalls one of the doctors saying that Hoolay was dead, and that grim satisfaction has been carrying Jiaoqiu ever since. ]

Yes, yes, I know, I make for a terrible patient. I'm feeling fine enough to be out of bed and exerting myself a little.

[ Using the sound of Feixiao's voice, he turns, and reaches out. He finds her arm first, fingertips gliding upward to find her shoulder, and then to cup her cheek. For the barest moment, his expression weakens at the edges. Almost crumbling. She feels as solid as usual, real and present underneath his hands, but he can't see her vivid eyes or the fond little smile on her lips. The warmth of her skin feels keener than usual, her heartbeat solid in Jiaoqiu's ears. A presence even to a newly blind man, a force of nature even as she does nothing but stand in a boring room in the Alchemy Commission and inquire after the health of an idiot.

He doesn't know where Moze is, unaware that he stands in the same room. ]

And you?

[ Tenderly, Jiaoqiu touches the corner of Feixiao's lips, her cheeks, her forehead, looking for injuries and thankfully finding none. None visible on her face, at least. Her temperature is fine, as are the vitals he can monitor, but he can't shake the feeling that something is different. Something about her scent, maybe. Something a little wilder than usual. ]

Indulge me, Feixiao. Let me be your doctor for a few minutes, even if circumstances have changed.

[saran]

( And truly, what about her? The three of them had all gone through pain far beyond physical. She's used to it, too, and knows Moze is as well. But it's the knowledge that Jiaoqiu had been hurt that pained at her heart the most, and it felt far more excruciating than the soul-searching, nearly identity-crisis she had gone through, between the Moon Rage and almost losing her body to Hoolay.

It had been a lot, and only now does she truly realize it, with the gentleness of Jiaoqiu's touch. He cannot feel it, but her heart pains at the touch. It's hard knowing he does so to see her, now where his eyes cannot. And likewise does Feixiao bring a hand to rest on Jiaoqiu's own, guiding him, reassuring him. )

Hardly more hurt than a guy who poisoned himself. ( She smiles at that, if the casual tone of her voice isn't enough for him to know she's not scolding him.

Her face does change so, that under his touches he would be able to tell she feels anguish. She needs to get stronger, still. Hoolay might be no more, but the borisin still live. Their war isn't over. )

Here. ( She brings her hand to her shoulder, on the left side. Under his touch, Jiaoqiu would likely be able to feel her bandages. ) I feel better now, I promise. The Luofu's healers aren't all so bad. Well, they still aren't as good as ours in Yaoqing, though.

( If only because they're far more used to fighting, but the compliment, indirectly, extends to Jiaoqiu as well. Her eyes, once again, turn to where she knows a certain crow watches. )

Moze is here as well.

( Because it will be a while, for both Jiaoqiu to get used to their particular steps, the beat of their hearts - and for Moze to allow himself to be seen and heard, too. She does not mind it, being a mediator. They only have each other, after all. )

[crowcalls]

(there's some things that they might not ever recover from, is a thought moze starts to think there in jiaoqiu's room for this stay in the luofu infirmary. in his head there is plenty of thoughts about wanting to ask why; he didn't normally allow himself to get close to others by choice and by his own decision in necessity. and yet, he was close to both feixiao and jiaoqiu no matter what he once told himself in the end.

they didn't need him to talk, but they would also listen when he did. whether it's his terrible comments and intentional avoidance of reading the room or not. they were still people who he felt close to, comfortable with in a sense that he never had from back then. that's why he found that sight of jiaoqiu on death's door after managing to find him to be something burned deep in his mind.

his own injuries, no matter their being terrible and bloody, they felt like nothing in comparison. nothing that could tell him that things would be okay, that they'd all be back to how they were and that was that.

if he was any stronger himself, then maybe....ah, his thoughts are pulled aside to attention being brought to his presence which he allows to be felt. not his heartbeat, not fully, but he's there and not leaving with a glance given again toward jiaoqiu and feixiao. as if considering his words for a change whenever moze knows that a lot of his questions are best left for another time.

including that urge that's torn between hugging the man tight or calling him insane.)

I'm fine, also, the healers get rather unhappy if I try sneaking out.

(such is his habits, one of a man prone to sneaking around and hiding while also playing pretend that his body didn't need him to rest more than what he does. however, that also would not be moze if he didn't quite push his luck in some manner about his habits.

he'll get used to this....and eventually he'll allow jiaoqiu to notice him more than this.)

[flavourtown]

[ His fingertips linger on the bandages he can feel, as if by mere touch he can divine what sort of injury lays underneath. A cut from Hoolay's sword, perhaps, or a borisin's claws. It frustrates him that he cannot simply look, or read her intake form, but it's a relief that Feixiao is at least well enough to be walking around, her heartbeat steady, her voice strong.

When Moze's voice sounds, Jiaoqiu startles. Embarrassingly, it makes the fur on his tail puff out. ]

Gods, Moze. I can't even hear your heartbeat. I can't even smell you.

[ It sounds irritated in the moment, but Jiaoqiu turns, one hand sliding down Feixiao's arm to clasp her hand briefly, squeezing, before letting go and turning to Moze, trying to analyze him in the same way. Cupping his cheek briefly, testing his temperature, all one part I'm your doctor and I want to know if you're okay and one part I'm your lover and I need to know that you're okay. He can feel bandages under Moze's clothes, and the thought of not being able to treat the both of them is so overwhelming that Jiaoqiu suddenly feels faint.

He has to pull away, easing back to sit on the edge of the bed so that he doesn't fall over. He can barely raise his left arm for all the bandaging on his chest and shoulder there, and he can feel the nerve damage tingling through the pain medication he's on. His vision is little more than vague light and shadow. Can he ever be a doctor again? ]

What happened? [ His voice wobbles at the very start, but he tightens his throat and clutches the edge of the bed, and when he next speaks, he sounds on firmer ground. ] Is Hoolay dead? What of the other borisin? Is the situation contained? I-- assume it must be, if you're both here and not still out fighting.

[saran]

( There's something to the desperation in Jiaoqiu's touch on Moze that tugs at her heart in ways few things have done, in her long life. The need to find wounds, and bandages, to heal them with a single touch or, if he's lucky, that he won't find anything, not for his inability to truly see, but for the smallest hope that Moze isn't hurt, that she, too, isn't hurt.

A sentiment she shares. The war they fight takes endlessly; lives, and loves, and tids and bits of people with attachments, and connections, and a part of Feixiao dies, too, with every death. If she does not run fast enough, if she does not swing her weapons more skillfully, then the next life taken could just be — )

Don't push yourself. We are still here. ( Still alive, despite the hurt. Their hearts still beat. Sometimes, here, that's enough, isn't it?

Feixiao sits, then, next to Jiaoqiu, her weight on the bed announcing to her presence. The look she gives Moze, gentle in kind, asks him to do the same, too, on the other side. Little things, little touches and small presences, companies that do so much, for what they have right now. )

Hoolay is dead, and the Luofu's Cloud Knights have apprehended the remaining borisin. You don't have to worry, Jiaoqiu. ( A hand to his arm, reassuring. War isn't over, far from it, but they still live another day. ) We can return home, once we're all feeling better.

[crowcalls]

(he doesn't recoil, moze doesn't so much as pull away whenever he feels that hand on his cheek. the embarrassment of jiaoqiu isn't lost on him, a brief moment he could feel at ease about. with or without his eyes; moze has been too understanding of the idea that jiaoqiu worries over both of them. as a doctor and as more than that whilst sharing in vulnerability they couldn't always afford in their lives.

his temperature was fine, the pains for the most part had subsided. there's that as a source of comfort. it didn't change the way they all throw themselves within death's jaws. it didn't matter on terms of the how, the when, they all would face it in their time. whether it was at war or not, would always be up in the air about their danger filled lives.

he needed to get strong himself. moze knows that and feels it, if he didn't then....damn it. the thought remains and he knows it; had he been any slower there wouldn't be such a moment where they saw jiaoqiu recovering. there'd only have been another death added to their long list of lives lost and blood spilt. moze is back to silence, for now, moze did take the gentle look given as reason enough to follow.

moze sits calmly on jiaoqiu's opposite side, his presence now would remain obvious for the sake of not giving him another fright. the one time was enough for moze while he thinks. at the very least, recovery has gone smoothly and he could allow a small smile. it wouldn't stay, but moze could allow himself a chance to let down his stoicism and how he masks everything for a chance at that much.

and moze could agree, jiaoqiu didn't need to push himself that hard now that business was done. there's still the war, but everything else? that will come with time.)

[flavourtown]

[ The braces of their shoulders on either side of him does a remarkable amount to steady Jiaoqiu's nerves. Like twin anchors in a blinding storm, Feixiao and Moze are steady presences, reassuring, grounding.

Feixiao confirms Hoolay is dead, and Jiaoqiu lets out a shaky, triumphant breath. Despite everything, a smile steals across his expression. Victorious. On the verge of savagely pleased. ]

Then it was worth it. Everything was worth it.

[ At least, it's easy to feel that way about his own injuries-- not so much the injuries of his partners. Those, he still very much regrets. He may not have been able to prevent the injuries, but surely he should be able to heal them in the aftermath. The healers on the Luofu are excellent, but Jiaoqiu still itches with uselessness, wanting to see to Feixiao and Moze's injuries himself. ]

The people that he bit-- are they...?

[ Jiaoqiu trails off, hopeful. He has a theory that anybody bit by Hoolay, or in his bloodline, would no longer transform once he was killed. It's one of many theories he has and has been unable to prove true, but has now become all too relevant to his own health. He cannot see the bitemarks Hoolay left in his chest, but he can feel them. As for Feixiao... did he cure her? ]